It seems every day now, that when I switch in the computer in the morning, the e-mail in box rapidly fills with mails from a multitude of friends and friends of friends each relating the latest jokes or humorous videos or amazing photos that are circulating round the web. Perhaps it’s a natural response to these times of austerity, job insecurity, banker bashing and the like and a way of keeping the national morale up! They brighten the start of the day, however, and we, in turn, forward them on to other friends and acquaintances. Within seconds of a joke arriving in our inbox in Nottingham it can be in Adelaide in south Australia or the south of France or the south east of England or Manchester. Of course, when forwarding on there is an important decision to be made – would the recipient find this funny? Is this joke perhaps a bit risqué for a maiden aunt! The speed of internet communication is breath taking. Occasionally we get one back that we recognise as one we forwarded a few days previously – it has presumably travelled the world before the cyber links that now join us all find a pathway back to us.
We have all come to accept this as the norm – and our children even more so I suppose - for they have not lived without the benefits of computer technology. How things have changed in such a few years. Booking a holiday, ordering shopping or theatre tickets, communicating with relatives on the other side of the world, accessing information, following sporting events – the list is endless – they are all part of our normal everyday life.
I have just finished reading a book I first read almost 40 years ago – 'Deschooling Society' by Ivan Illich. A seminal work. Subversive in its day and to a degree no less so today. Illich, writing on 1971 only briefly mentions the word computer – and when he does it is more in the context of a rather grand complex abacus. Even his great intellect could not have foreseen the way that the technology would develop. As I read the book I often scribbled in the margin comments like 'today’s internet would make this easier.' The deschooled society that Illich envisaged all those years ago has in many ways come to be as people access information, knowledge and skill from so many sources other than schools and other formal educational institutions. It is perhaps sobering to consider that when Illich wrote his book it caused uproar, was considered subversive and branded as 'way out' clap trap. In the event it now looks more and more prophetic.
Another thought that has crossed my mind is that although the internet and the technology has allowed us to access information, communicate more easily, shop on line, and the like it has increasingly disadvantaged those who do not have access. The jokes that arrive in our e-mail each morning can only be forwarded to those with computers and internet access. We cannot, for example, bring a smile to the faces of our relations who do not have access to that facility. Jokes of course are inconsequential, but increasingly as companies and governments provide their services and base their costs on the internet, those without the internet are at a disadvantage. The double whammy to this is, of course that certain groups – the old and the poor are less likely to have access – and these are the very groups that might benefit most. We have just booked a holiday on the internet – and saved significantly by doing so. Had we not had that facility the same holiday would cost much more when booked through a travel agent.
There are, of course, other more insidious and worrying aspects of the technological world in which we live. Presumably it is now much easier for governments or other agencies to track our every move and communication every time we 'log on' – 1984 is with us. But equally, as we have seen with student demonstrations and the like the speed of communication means that things can be organised much more easily than previously and so therefore make it more difficult to police.
But, whatever the good and bad, the genie is now out of the bottle and has to be lived with and managed. Until then I’ll keep enjoying the jokes! Here are a few that brightened recent mornings!
An Italian Mother
Mrs. Ravioli comes to visit her son Anthony for dinner . He lives with a female roommate Maria . During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Anthony's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Anthony and his roommate than met the eye. Reading his mother's thoughts, Anthony volunteered, 'I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Maria and I are just roommates'.
About a week later, Maria came to Anthony saying, 'Ever since your mother came to dinner, I've been unable to find the silver sugar bowl . You don't suppose she took it, do you?'
'Well, I doubt it, but I'll email her, just to be sure.' replied Anthony. So he sat down and wrote:
Dear Mama,
I'm not saying that you 'did' take the sugar bowl from my house; I'm not saying that you 'did not' take it. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner.
Love, Anthony
Several days later, Anthony received a response email from his Mama which read:
Dear Son,
I'm not saying that you 'do' sleep with Maria, and I'm not saying that you 'do not' sleep with her. But the fact remains that if she was sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the sugar bowl by now.
Love, Mama
Moral: Never lie to your Mama . . . especially if she's Italian
Two illegal Mexicans are stuck in the desert after crossing into the United States. Wandering aimlessly and starving, they are about to just lie down and wait for death, when all of a sudden Pedro says......... "Hey Pepe, do you smell what I smell. Ees bacon, I theenk."
"Si, Pedro, eet sure smells like bacon. "
With renewed hope they struggle up the next sand dune, & there, in the distance, is a tree loaded with bacon. There's raw bacon, there's fried bacon, back bacon, smoked bacon ... every imaginable kind of cured pork. "Pepe, Pepe, we ees saved. Ees a bacon tree."
"Pedro, maybe ees a meerage? We ees in the desert don't forget."
"Pepe, since when deed you ever hear of a meerage that smell like bacon...ees no meerage, ees a bacon tree."
And with that, Pedro staggers towards the tree. He gets to within 5 metres with Pepe crawling close behind,when suddenly a machine gun opens up, and Pedro drops like a wet sock. Mortally wounded, he warns Pepe with his dying breath,
"Pepe... go back man, you was right, ees not a bacon tree!"
"Pedro, Pedro mi amigo... what ees it? "
"Pepe.. ees not a bacon tree. Ees
Ees, Ees, Ees,
Ees
a ham bush...."
The Rabbit
A rabbit walks into a pub and says to the barman, 'Can I have a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie?’ The barman is amazed, but gives the rabbit a pint of beer and a ham and cheese toastie. The rabbit drinks the beer and eats the toastie. He then leaves.
The following night the rabbit returns and again asks for a pint of beer, and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. The barman, now intrigued by the rabbit and the extra drinkers inthe pub, (because word gets round), gives the rabbit the pint and the Toastie. The rabbit consumes them and leaves.
The next night, the pub is packed. In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman.' The crowd is hushed as the barman gives the rabbit his pint and toastie, and then burst into applause as the rabbit wolfs them down.
The next night there is standing room only in the pub. Coaches have been laid on for the crowds of patrons attending. The barman is making more money in one week than he did all last year. In walks the rabbit and says, 'A pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie, please barman,’
The barman says, 'I'm sorry rabbit, old mate, old mucker, but we are right out of them Ham and Cheese Toasties...' The rabbit looks aghast.
The crowd has quietened to almost a whisper, when the barman clears his throat nervously and says, 'We do have a very nice Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The rabbit looks him in the eye and says, 'Are you sure I will like it.'
The masses' bated breath is ear shatteringly silent. The barman, with a roguish smile says, 'Do you think that I would let down one of my best friends. I know you'll love it.'
'Ok,' says the rabbit, 'I'll have a pint of beer and a Cheese and Onion Toastie.' The pub erupts with glee as the rabbit quaffs the beer and guzzles the toastie. He then waves to the crowd and leaves..........NEVER TO RETURN!!!!!!
One year later, in the now impoverished public house, the barman, (who has only served 4 drinks tonight, 3 of which were his), calls time. When he is cleaning down the now empty bar, he sees a small white form, floating above the bar. The barman says, 'Who are you?', To which he is answered,
'I am the ghost of the rabbit that used to frequent your public house.'
The barman says, 'I remember you. You made me famous. You would come in every night and have a pint of beer and a Ham and Cheese Toastie. Masses came to see you and this place was famous.'
The rabbit says, 'Yes I know.'
The barman said, 'I remember, on your last night we didn't have any Ham and Cheese Toasties. You had a Cheese and Onion one instead.'
The rabbit said, 'Yes, you promised me that I would love it.
The barman said, 'You never came back, what happened?'
'I DIED', said the rabbit. 'NO!' said the barman. 'What from?'
After a short pause, the rabbit said... 'Mixin-me-toasties.'
Bankers!
A man is stuck in traffic. He asks a police officer about the hold-up and he replies: "A banker is so depressed about the economy he's stopped his car and is threatening to douse himself with petrol and set himself on fire. We're having a collection for him." The man asks: "How much have you got so far?" The policeman replies: "About 40 gallons, but a lot of people are still siphoning."
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