This afternoon, as the late summer sun blazed down, I
dragged out the lawn mower. The long hot and dry summer we have had in the UK
has meant that there have been few lawn cuts this year – but recent downpours
have forced Mother Nature into action and our garden now resembled a wild
meadow. I hadn’t been looking forward to this bit of necessary work because
both my lovely wife, Patricia, and I have been struggling of late; Patricia
recovering well from surgery and me having had a recurrence of my sciatica
which means a very painful few weeks of staggering from one chair or settee to
another to gain some respite from the debilitating pain. In short, we two “old
codgers” have been both metaphorically and literally clinging on to each other!
But as the lawn mower leapt into action I suddenly stopped,
having almost “run over” two little white butterflies who were resting together
on the lawn in front of me. As I looked down on them they suddenly took flight
and fluttered, this way and that in perfect unison, around me and about me;
whether this was some mating ritual or just the exuberant joy of life in the late summer
sun I know not but whatever it was an absolute joy to stand and watch them –
momentarily my sciatica forgotten. I
stood for several seconds watching them flit this way and that about me, until
at last they disappeared together, still in joyous unison, over my neighbour’s
hedge.
It lifted my spirits and as I pressed the start button on
the mower brought to mind a few things that seemed to be important about life
and about the world. Those two butterflies, their exuberant flight, their joy
(presumably) in being together, their wonderful symmetrical flight paths seemed
to me, in my low mood, to represent everything good - and perhaps a lesson for
mankind in these testing times.

In a world where the most powerful man in the world brings
shame upon himself and upon the American people by his actions, words and
policies and in a world where so many seem angry and filled with hate for their
fellow man and woman maybe we need to be like those butterflies and fly
together in joyous unison. In the UK this weekend we have seen hundreds of balaclava
wearing men all dressed in black blocking two of England’s main ports - Dover and Portsmouth - in protest against the arrival in the UK of small boats bearing refugees and
asylum seekers. In the last week or two we have seen one of England’s major urban
areas, Middlesbrough, ripped apart with unrest following the deaths of five
young men travelling the wrong way down a road and crashing head on with a
police car, killing both officers – again, hatred and law breaking at the root
of the event. Like many other countries politics has become more and more
divisive and extreme; in the UK (as in other western democracies) right wing political
parties promise to curtail many of our laws about equality, race or gender –
and millions, in our race to the bottom world, shout “bring it on”. This is the dark and cruel underbelly of 21st century England. Our world,
in my view, is in a worrying, no terrifying, place and I worry for my
grandchildren - how can they sort this mess? What has gone wrong with human
kind?

Hatred and violence are not new. But mankind slowly evolved
laws and beliefs that most people subscribed to and which kept things in some
kind of check – maybe it was a belief in the common good. But as I look around
me now in my 81st year I am uncertain if many would subscribe to
that notion – or be prepared to do whatever is necessary to make it a reality;
we have become a selfish, me, me, me society where flying together in exuberant
unison like the butterflies has been replaced with individual selfish "I want" lifestyle choices and "beggar my neighbour politics". Few, in 2026 UK would, I believe, readily
subscribe the notion of neighbour as described in Jesus’ “Parable of the Good
Samaritan” – certainly not those in their black balaclavas at Dover or Portsmouth this weekend or in
the right wing political parties of England or the followers of misogynistic
and homophobic “influencers” like Andrew Tate, or on the streets and urban wastelands
of Middlesbrough and other urban areas of the nation.
And as I pushed my lawn mower I thought back to hot June day
almost 30 years ago. Pat and I were in New York and our visit happened to
coincide with the annual New York Gay Pride Parade. This was new to us;
unknown. So we joined the crowds that Sunday lunchtime on Seventh Avenue and
watched, mouths agape, mesmerised, confused, amazed – and loved every minute of
the brilliant, bizarre, exuberant spectacle that unfolded before us. It was
lovely; outrageous, naughty, fun, and above all full of love. We cheered and we
cheered. We watched amazed and in awe at how the NYPD skillfully and quietly
“managed” the spectacle as it passed before us; we wouldn’t have missed it for
the world and then (as still today) felt the better, more human, for being
there, part of something so joyous and bigger than us; two lonely Brits in the
turmoil that is New York we felt welcome and at home; two middle aged school
teachers amongst this pageant of colour, innuendo, brash eroticism and above
all friendship and love.

But I remembered, too, a darker side to that wonderful
occasion. As we stood cheering and laughing a middle aged lady standing beside
us turned and in a southern drawl asked if we were from England – she had
obviously heard us speaking. We said that we were and she then asked “Do you
have this sort of thing in England”. We said yes, but we had never seen a
parade like this before to which she sternly replied “It wouldn’t happen in my
home in Texas and not on the Lord’s Day. The sheriff and his marshals would use
their shot guns on the lot of them”. We didn’t know what to say. We edged away;
It seemed then, but even more so now as I look at the world, that her hate is
an easy path to follow when “difference” is involved. I get it that this lady found
the notion of a gay pride parade alien to her – it was so for us – but how
easily this turned to hate and ideas of shotguns worried me. And, further, it
worried me that this lady felt she had “Christian values”, she talked of “the
Lord’s day” – Mmmm! I wonder what happens when her Christian values collide
with the Parable of the Good Samaritan and the shotguns of the Texas sheriff
and his marshals? Presumably in this lady’s world had the traveller set upon by
bandits and left for dead been gay then the Texan “Good Samaritan” would have
had no truck with him and would have “passed by” on the road leaving the
injured man to die.

It’s a worrying nonsense and a terrifying future to think
about; I’ll stick with the butterflies
and their joyous flight together not the divisive hatred of black suited
men wearing hoodies and balaclavas in Dover or Middlesbrough and I’ll say “Not
in my name” to Andrew Tate or the Restore Party – or anyone else who comes
knocking at my door. That’s not because I’m “brave” or think I’m right but
because the path of division and hate that they are offering is, I know, with
certainty the path the humankind’s destruction – and not what I want for my
grandchildren.
And, as I cleaned my lawn mower and collected the grass
cuttings I thought back to another event of the past few days – my mind
following its usual tortuous and madcap wanderings from that long gone day at
the New York Gay Pride Parade. A couple of nights ago Pat and I watched an
exquisite TV programme - one of a series – where the great English classical
actress Dame Judi Dench has “afternoon tea” with another great actor or
actress. This episode saw the wonderful Judi Dench reminiscing and swapping
anecdotes with the equally wonderful Sir Ian McKellen. In the programme Sir Ian
talked a little of his life as a gay man and perhaps as a gay (my word) “icon”
and campaigner. His is the sort of voice that one can listen to all day and as
he spoke his warmth, love, passion and sincerity shone through -a far cry I
thought from the abusive, wilfully ignorant and often expletive filled rants
that we hear so much of today – on the streets of our cities and even from the
mouth of the President of the United States of America.

And Sir Ian read an extract from a book that he treasured;
it clearly spoke to him and as I listened it spoke to me. Obviously moved as he
read, he had to stop to gather his thoughts, overcome I think by the words and
what underpinned them; it was personal to him as a gay man and even to me, a
“straight”, grey haired, ex-teacher, and fully paid up member of the “grumpy
old mens’ society” its message seemed both right and timeless; it was about our
very humanity. The extract was from a
book called “More Tales of the City” by American author Armistead Maupin and is
a letter written by “Michael” to his mother telling her that he is gay; its
words say all there is to say:
Dear Mama,
I'm sorry it's taken me so
long to write. Every time I try to write to you and Papa I realize I'm not
saying the things that are in my heart. That would be O.K., if I loved you any
less than I do, but you are still my parents and I am still your child. I have
friends who think I'm foolish to write this letter. I hope they're wrong. I
hope their doubts are based on parents who loved and trusted them less than
mine do. I hope especially that you'll see this as an act of love on my part, a
sign of my continuing need to share my life with you.
I wouldn't have written, I guess, if you
hadn't told me about your involvement in the Save Our Children campaign. That,
more than anything, made it clear that my responsibility was to tell you the
truth, that your own child is homosexual, and that I never needed saving from
anything except the cruel and ignorant piety of people like Anita Bryant.
I'm sorry, Mama. Not for what
I am, but for how you must feel at this moment. I know what that feeling is,
for I felt it for most of my life. Revulsion, shame, disbelief - rejection
through fear of something I knew, even as a child, was as basic to my nature as
the colour of my eyes. No, Mama, I wasn't "recruited." No seasoned
homosexual ever served as my mentor. But you know what? I wish someone had. I
wish someone older than me and wiser than the people in Orlando had taken me
aside and said, "You're all right, kid. You can grow up to be a doctor or
a teacher just like anyone else. You're not crazy or sick or evil. You can
succeed and be happy and find peace with friends - all kinds of friends - who
don't give a damn who you go to bed with. Most of all, though, you can love and
be loved, without hating yourself for it." But no one ever said that to
me, Mama. I had to find it out on my own, with the help of the city that has
become my home.
I know this may be hard for
you to believe, but San Francisco is full of men and women, both straight and
gay, who don't consider sexuality in measuring the worth of another human
being. These aren't radicals or weirdos, Mama. They are shop clerks and bankers
and little old ladies and people who nod and smile to you when you meet them on
the bus. Their attitude is neither patronizing nor pitying. And their message
is so simple: Yes, you are a person. Yes, I like you. Yes, it's all right for
you to like me, too.
I know what you must be
thinking now. You're asking yourself: What did we do wrong? How did we let this
happen? Which one of us made him that way? I can't answer that, Mama. In the
long run, I guess I really don't care. All I know is this: If you and Papa are
responsible for the way I am, then I thank you with all my heart, for it's the
light and the joy of my life. I know I can't tell you what it is to be gay. But
I can tell you what it's not. It's not hiding behind words, Mama. Like family
and decency and Christianity. It's not fearing your body, or the pleasures that
God made for it. It's not judging your neighbour, except when he's crass or
unkind. Being gay has taught me tolerance, compassion and humility. It has
shown me the limitless possibilities of living. It has given me people whose
passion and kindness and sensitivity have provided a constant source of strength.
It has brought me into the family of man, Mama, and I like it here. I like it.
There's not much else I can
say, except that I'm the same Michael you've always known. You just know me
better now. I have never consciously done anything to hurt you. I never will.
Please don't feel you have to answer this right away. It's enough for me to
know that I no longer have to lie to the people who taught me to value the
truth.
Mary Ann sends her love.
Everything is fine at 28 Barbary Lane.
Your loving son, Michael
Oh, that the black suited balaclava wearing “patriots” on
England’s streets or the racist, misogynistic and homophobic influencers of the
manosphere or the right wing media or the hateful trolls on social media could
use or understand these words and what they convey. Those two little
butterflies in their joyous union knew, I’m sure, about being together; they
would have understood Michael when he wrote “Yes, you are a person. Yes, I like you. Yes, it's all
right for you to like me, too.” – it’s called “being human”. It’s the same
humanity that has been important to Pat and me in the last few weeks as we have
clung to each other for mutual support and I cannot for the life of me
understand why so many in today’s world
wish to abandon this basic human characteristic in favour of division and hate.
The late Archbishop Desmond Tutu knew a thing or two about
division and hate having spent his life living and working in South Africa at
the time of apartheid and he was clear about what it is to be human: "No one is born hating another person
because of the colour of his skin, or his background, or his beliefs or his
religion” he said. "Resentment is like drinking poison and then hoping it
will kill your enemies." He went on "A person is a person through
other persons, my humanity is bound up
in yours, for we can only be human together." Amen to that; but I do still
wonder what has gone so profoundly wrong with modern man that so many prefer
hate over love. For me, as my lovely wife and I of 57 years cling together in love and mutual support, I’ll stick with the "togetherness" and joyous unison of the butterflies,
the exuberance and love of the Gay Pride Parade and the wisdom and sincerity of
Sir Ian McKellen; they seem better options for the future and salvation humankind than black masked hateful “patriots” blocking our ports, the wilfully ignorant sneeringly cruel thugs bringing
violence and death to our cities' streets,
or the Texas sheriffs with their shotguns bringing their message of hate to the world and
justifying their actions by reciting “Christian values”. No, I will quietly
think of the mighty words of poet John Donne speaking across the centuries from
his Meditation XVII written in 1624 reminding us that as humans we are all part
of the same body:
"No man is an island,
Entire of itself.
Each is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thine own
Or of thine friend's were.
Each man's death diminishes me,
For I am involved in mankind.
Therefore, send not to know
For whom the bell tolls,
It tolls for thee."