Don't Panic!

As I have noted before in these blogs as I get older the more anti war and military I become. War films on TV are an anathema, pathetic men in uniform become to me even more foolish and patriotic  and jingoistic flag waving hides, I believe, a basic flaw in the national character.

But, having said that, I can't resist the gentle humour of Dad’s Army! It is my one concession to the military. Perhaps it looks a little dated now but I can’t resist the re-runs and have them all on DVD anyway. It isn’t just Dad’s Army – other similar sitcoms from years gone by – Fawlty Towers, Rising Damp, Butterflies, The Good Life, Only Fools and Horses  and the rest can always raise a smile.

Shaldon from Teignmouth

What I like about these programmes is that although they are sitcoms – not real – as with all good comedy they are acutely observed. We can all recognise ourselves, or people that we know in the characters. We’ve all met pompous individuals like Captain Mainwaring. We've all seen Del Trotter in the pub or down the market. We've all heard the prejudice and moans from someone like Rigsby in Rising Damp. The essence of good comedy is that we can relate to it – that is what makes it funny – it gently prods us and makes fun of our own little foibles.  I know that I could easily become Rigsby or on another day I could be Captain Mainwaring – indeed, I think my wife already thinks that I am!. And perhaps it is good that it reminds us not to become too pompous or too prejudiced – lest we turn into Mainwaring or Rigsby. We’ve all see Basil Fawlty type people and every single one of us has the capacity to behave like him – but seeing him on screen perhaps serves as a little warning to us all.

I thought about this last week while in Devon – and  indeed came to the conclusion that Dad’s Army was even nearer reality than even I had previously thought.

Village Green

We spent an hour or so in the nearby village of Shaldon – at the mouth of the River Teign. The larger town of Teignmouth stands on the other side of the estuary. A lovely spot. The village is right on the waterfront and steep streets rise with narrow lanes and a variety of cottages, bungalows and established houses. So steep are the streets that the whole place seems to cling to the land in danger of toppling into the estuary! A couple of nice pubs, a couple of pleasant cafes, a well stocked greengrocer and a baker who sells wonderful cakes and pasties! The views across the estuary are stunning – especially when the sun is reflecting off the rooftops and windows of Teignmouth. If you are down that way it's well worth an hour or so of your time!

But, back to Dad's Army!

At the end of the village, facing the sea are several items relating to the 2^nd World War – an observation post and the like. There is also an informative tourist information board explaining  that during the War the local Home Guard were responsible for  the protection of the estuary and for keeping watch for a possible enemy attack or invasion. Just like Captain Mainwaring’s platoon at Walmington-on-Sea! All interesting stuff but the best bit is the copy of a list of instructions to the Guard in the event of an invasion. Their mobilisation orders.

Tourist information board.

It is absolutely straight out of Dad's Army - it could easily form the plot of an episode and I can just picture Corporal Jones shouting 'Don't panic, don't panic'! But it also makes one realise how matter of fact and sensible these people were. The orders could, from our sophisticated world, be viewed as amateurish – but they were written for adults and the assumption was that adults would act as adults. In reality there was  a great danger that we might be invaded - and if so the Teignmouth area was in the front line.   Yet the orders are gentle, polite, open to misinterpretation and the assumption was that these men would act correctly, use their common sense and at all times 'do it right'. Although amateurs they would be totally professional – they would interpret the instructions as they were intended and would not need it spelled out in words of one syllable.  Today, I guess, a similar list would be hundreds of pages long, full of Health and Safety issues, strident, alarmist and assume that if things can be got wrong, people will get them wrong!  Important issues would be in bold with coloured fonts. There would be clarification of simple words and instructions. Sadly, we live in a world where litigation and a dumbed down culture mean that nothing would be left to chance. 

So what did the orders say? (and I copy straight from them):

In the event of an invasion or danger No 17 Platoon (Gunners) will:

1. Ring Mr Holland (Teignmouth 679) – ask him to give a message to Gunner Tanner who is his next door neighbour.
2. Gunner Tanner then proceeds to Mill Lane and warns Mr Burgess who has written instructions giving names and addresses of men he has to warn.
3. Gunner Tanner then warns Gunner Harvey who has written instructions and will warn all outlying Teignmouth men on his motor cycle.      
4.  Ring Sgt. Bent (Shaldon 14) and ask him to warn Shaldon men via various NCOs

5. Ring Commercial Inn (Bishopsteignton 285 – Mr Mole). Ask him if he would be good enough to send a message to Sgt Mitchell.
6. Sgt Mitchell has instructions to warn Gunner Burgoyne
7. Ring Gunner Daunt (Teignmouth 512) – he has names and addresses of three men.
8. Ring Gunner Coysh (Teignmouth 229) who has written instructions giving name and address of one man.
9. Ring Battery (Shaldon 165) and ask Capt. Gowan for the van to make a few trips to West Teignmouth Church and back. All the men have been advised that the van will be doing these runs and they will be picked up on route and conveyed to Battery.
10. Shaldon men will make their own way to Battery.
11. On mustering all men will report to the Battery Office and sign Attendance Book
12. A list of operational duties will be found in the Battery Office.

Mobilisation instructions

I cannot conceive that today similar instructions would be so loosely worded and leaving so much to chance – 'ask him if he would be good enough', 'the van will make a few trips', 'ask him to give a message', 'via various NCOs', 'picked up on  route' etc. Today, we would want to know exactly where we are to be picked up, we would demand to know how many trips and at what frequency the van would pick us up, and what if Mr Mole is busy and would not be 'good enough' to make the necessary phone call! What if they failed at the first order - if Mr Holland's phone is on the blink or he hasn't paid  his phone bill or if Mr Tanner is out? Who will defend Shaldon - will the country be invaded? It all left so much to chance, but at the same time assumed that these men would act correctly and use their common sense – perhaps something that we have lost today when everything has to be spelled out or our litigious society constantly wants to find loopholes in the wording of documents so that blame can be apportioned. Perhaps these instructions, even though it was war time, were written at a time when  a gentleman's word was his bond – when everyone knew that these men would do what was expected of them – the instructions were incidental.

But, whatever, as I read the notice, I could just picture Lance Corporal Jones saying 'Don’t Panic!' I could see in my mind’s eye Shaldon’s equivalent of the young Pike doing something wrong and incurring the wrath of Shaldon’s Captain Mainwaring - 'Stupid boy' he would say! I could almost hear Shaldon’s equivalent of Private Walker – the 'spiv' – as he stood in the bar at the Commercial Inn doing a black market deal saying 'OK, in  a minute, I’ll catch you up when I’ve finished my beer and sold these nylons!'

Wonderful stuff!

But, whatever my views on the military, I found it all quite humbling that these men – ordinary people – accepted the orders in the spirit that they were meant to protect their country and their way of life. Was life perhaps simpler then – or  have we lost  something. We all laugh at Captain Mainwaring’s pompous outlook, we mock the upper class Sgt.  Wilson or the dour Scottish coffin maker Private Frazer and the doddery medical orderly Private Godfrey – but in reality  these were the men of Shaldon and thousands of similar places throughout the land. And when the chips were down they did it right! I’m not sure we would act as wisely or as well today.

Looking back across the estuary

As I stood on the front looking out over the estuary and out to sea I was reminded of Nelson's simple but pointed message to his fleet before Trafalgar 'England expects that every man will do his duty'. I'm not a military man but when the chips are down that is what it is all about - and whoever wrote the orders for the men of Shaldon all those years ago, clearly expected that they would all do as Nelson had commanded, a century and a half earlier.

Go to Shaldon – worth the trip – and the notice reminds you of a simpler but perhaps rewarding time!